dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dicks are not precious.
Who died my cat blue again?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
