He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
