at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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