Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just gift wrapped bread.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
