Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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