you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
