somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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