why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
