I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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