i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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