i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
