Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize