Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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