the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
