Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
