She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
