I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
