cat food counts as protein by the way
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
