I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
