Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
