she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
