I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
