there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
