You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
