is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
