dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
