Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
