On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
