I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
