some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
