Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize