I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
