All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a search helicopter?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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