Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
