i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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