his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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