listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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