Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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