Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
