How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
