how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
