have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's blow job season.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
