Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
