I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
