he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
