Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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