omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
this is an emotional support booty call
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
