Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
