you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
