.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
