I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
