so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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