i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize