It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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