Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
