At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
