I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
