The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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