Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
