i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we're making bets on your personal life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
