don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
