Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am one with the molecules
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
