The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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