If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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