Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
