Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
