i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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