WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Say something about gay babies.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
