3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
