Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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