Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
