So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
