she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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