i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
