Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
