Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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