There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
