what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize