Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
