I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
