Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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