I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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