You can't motorboat a personality
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
