Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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