the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
