Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
