Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
