I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
