party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
