I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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