Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
