I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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