Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize