Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
