he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
