i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
