If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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