I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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