After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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