Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
