i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
