I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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