i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
