Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
