we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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