My brain says no but my pants say off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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